


Too Many Birthdays

by charismawizard



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Bonding, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 10:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10660992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charismawizard/pseuds/charismawizard
Summary: Taako has a strong distaste of birthdays, which is only worsened when Angus invites (guilt trips) Taako into coming to his eleventh birthday party.





	Too Many Birthdays

Taako did not enjoy birthday parties, he made that explicitly clear on several occasions including on the subject of his own birth. Which is why he was relieved when Magnus seemed to not see his own birthday as a big deal. It was just another day, just another year old. Magnus didn’t conditionally expect happy birthdays in exchange for a classic cheesy grin and an, “Aw, thanks guys!”

But then, he met Angus. The most annoyingly positive and kind kid on the face of this falsified moon. Because despite the numerous times Taako pushed him around in the past, that didn’t seem to deter Angus from continuing to pursue a friendship with the elf. Which made his issue with birthdays all the more pressing.

“Sir?” Angus asked, rushing to keep up with Taako. “Sir? Why are you walking away from me so quickly? Is this about the invitation to my birthday? Because I promise it isn’t a large event, it’s actually just going to be in the cafeteria!”

Taako paused, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Number one, that’s so dorky. Like, you have an entire fuckin’ moon to choose from and you choose to have a party in the cafeteria? Lame. And, numero dos, I don’t do birthdays, Ango.”

Angus’s nose wrinkled up in confusion. “Wait, what? You don’t like birthdays? How many birthdays have you celebrated, Taako?”

“Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero.” Taako replied. “Elves, especially this fuckin’ elf right here, don’t see birthday parties as a big deal, okay? It’s just another year closer until you die, big whoop! That’s every day!”

 

Angus’s expression fell, it almost seemed as though his entire disposition turned on a dime as his shoulders slumped and his natural oversized curls lost their bounce. “Oh… Well, I understand if you don’t want to attend, sir! It’s just that– it’d be really special to me if you did come because you’re one of my really good friends and also my magic teacher! But I’m- I’m not gonna force you to come if you don’t want to.”

Taako sighed as he looked down at the kid, he wasn’t entirely heartless, he genuinely did care about Angus and wanted him to be happy; to be a better person than Taako ever could be. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he was kind of puddy in Angus’s tiny, adorable hands. Even though he always gave him a hard time, Angus was one of the best things that had happened in his life this past year even though everything else outside of that seemed to be a raging shitstorm.

“Ugh- fine,” Taako groaned as Angus glanced back up at him, “I’ll go. But don’t think I’m going to enjoy it! I’m just doing you a fav-”

Suddenly, a small body crashed against his and enveloped him in as tight of an embrace as a five foot, scrawny ten year old could manage. “Thank you so much, sir! This means the world to me! Thank you, thank you! You won’t regret it!”

“Well, I hope you don’t mind a really shitty gift, kid.” Taako replied, patting him on the back. “Because ol’ Taako here ain’t the best gift giver.”

Angus looked up at him, his eyes shining with pure joy and childlike innocence, “Oh, I’m not too concerned about gifts. Your presence is gift enough!”

Taako nearly hurled, this kid may as well try out for Fantasy Jesus that was such a tacky line. But nevertheless, he did make a promise that for once he was actually going to keep. So when Taako returned to his dorm he found an old stack of fading post-it notes and stuck one over his bed that read: _Angus McDonald Birthday Party - Friday_

 

The week went by in a moment’s notice as Taako busied himself with being a nuisance on base to both his friends and coworkers, providing both entertainment and sheer irritation to those around him, it was all he could do between missions really. Because as a reclaimer, when you weren’t reclaiming anything, there wasn’t much left for you to do besides maybe some paperwork for The Director. Though it eventually became known that Taako was never going to return it. No matter how much The Director bargained with him.

However, no matter what menial task Taako decided to pick up throughout the week as a means of distraction, he couldn’t help but suspect that the hastily rewritten reminder above his bed was judging him. Like everyday as Angus’s birthday drew closer, the faded neon square became more imposing, especially during Angus’s magic lesson. Where the note could never seem to let the elf live down its existence.

“… And remember, don’t be a goddamn wuss about it.” Taako explained in a harshly contrasting nurturing tone. “Don’t be a spell slot saver like Stankins, especially on cantrips like Ray of Frost. Don’t be stingy about it like a fantasy Scrooge McDuck or some shit, give some of that icy love to everyone whose ass you want to beat senseless.”

“Got it!” Angus replied, scribbling down in perfect repetition of what Taako had just warned him about. “Is that Scrooge with two o’s or one o? Mm… I’m going to say two!”

Taako glanced over Angus’s shoulder, everything appeared to be exactly as he said. The detective’s notes were written in rushed yet legible cursive where all the words flowed together (with the exception of the swearing which had been censored with asterisks). That was another thing Angus was good about. Remembering things.

He frowned, biting his bottom lip in thought as he remembered the post-it note above his bed again, shit, that birthday party was tomorrow, wasn’t it? Taako still couldn’t believe he was so quick to promise this child that he would attend, it was so uncharacteristic of the persona he put out, yet he felt obligated to agree. It seemed to be that he just didn’t want to let Angus down for once.

Which really just made this particular party all the more depressing as Taako soon found himself spiraling, there was always going to be another birthday party, one after this one, and the next after that one, and that one, and that one. It would go on like this, a party and a promise, until Taako could do nothing again. Lives have happened around Taako so many times, yet whenever one left him, he couldn’t help but feel personally responsible for the fact that he let them die and yet he still continued living.

 

“Uh, sir? Taako?” Angus’s face was filled with concern, his eyes alit with questions behind his frames.

“Huh? Oh!” Taako quickly returned from his haze, turning to Angus. “What’s up?”

“Nothing to do with me, sir.” Angus replied. “You just seemed to be lost in thought is all, so I thought– well, you looked really worried. Is everything okay?”  
  
Taako snorted, ruffling Angus’s hair, “Pfft, I’m fine, kid. Taako Grand Central Station is working at one hundred percent full capacity, don’t worry about me.”

Angus furrowed his brow, “I’m a detective, sir. You can lie to me, but I don’t have to believe it. You know you can trust me, right?”  
  
“Of course, Ango!” Taako glanced at his nails. “I’ve just got a lot of shit on my mind. Look, if I ever feel like fessing up my problems, then I’ll come to you. Deal?”

Angus didn’t seem to accept the offer at first, scrutinizing Taako’s words with careful consideration. “Deal!”

 

But as they wrapped up their magic lessons that day, saying their goodbyes and returning to their respective dorms, Taako already knew that offer was going to expire much like the old Fantasy Costco coupons he’s shoved in his pockets. It would sit, waiting for months to be used, but over time, it would just be accepted as forgotten. Like any distant memory.

Taako kicked the door closed, and glimpsed up at the corner of yellow sticking out from the top bunk. Maybe he could just get Angus a card.

Taako did end up getting Angus a card, it was one he found at the Fantasy Costco on the cheap, about one gold piece as opposed to the usual two. It read: _Happy 50th birthday! Here’s to hoping we get carded for our margaritas!_

Following the purchase of this card, Taako skimmed his gift once again as he made a couple changes. For one, he scratched out the fifty and instead changed it to an eleven and then Taako proceeded to add, _“Happy birthday - Taako”_

There, bare minimum gift giving. That ought to satisfy the kid.

He approached the cafeteria, which was sparsely decorated with streamers, balloons, and a crimson banner reading in large, golden letters _Happy Birthday, Angus!_

Taako clutched the card in his hand, weaving through the maze of rounded cafeteria tables and chairs, then, at the head of the cafeteria was a long table surrounded by people holding Fantasy Solo Cups. Gifts were stacked upon each other in a chaotic fashion and each had a different degree of wrapping capability. The elven man paused, assessing the situation. Perhaps he could just sneak behind the pile of gifts, add his contribution, and vamoose.

His eyes darted around the room with great caution as Taako eased over the linoleum floor and attempted to slide his card beneath what appeared to be a large joint gift from Carey and Killian. Taako sighed in relief, he had yet to be spotted and thus, he had an opportunity to escape without being spotted. Taako pivoted on the ball of his foot and began to sneak away on the tips of his toes when suddenly he heard, “Oh my gosh, Taako! You made it!”

  
  
A small pair of arms were suddenly flung around his shoulders as Taako sighed, “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Ango.”

Angus looked up at him, pushing up his glasses like he had something on his mind, but deciding to dismiss the strange tone, “Well, I’m glad you’re here now! Please, get some punch, talk, we’re going to start opening gifts in fifteen minutes! You don’t have to sneak off-”

“Sneaking off?” Taako said, almost offended by the idea. “I would never! That means I don’t get to mess with you some more, ya little nerd.”  
  
He chuckled, “That’s funny, sir. But please don’t ruffle my hair, Magnus did the same thing and it took ten minutes to fix it.”

“Oh, what, like-” He reached his hand out, aggressively rustling Angus’s hair, “that?”  
  
“Yes!” Angus exclaimed, indignant as he smoothed down his mess of curls. “Please don’t do that.”

“Well, there’s plenty more where that came from Ango.” Taako teased him, but despite that, Angus still smiled.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less, sir.”  
  
  
Fifteen minutes passed at a snail’s pace as Taako attempted to make idle conversation with the other party goers, though he only found himself wishing more with every passing minute that he could just return to his dorm and pretend this whole birthday situation never happened. However, Angus once again saved him from his dissociation as he declared that they were going to begin opening gifts.

And nearly immediately everyone surrounded the table as Angus began to go through his gifts one by one. Some of the highlights included a carved magnifying glass made by Magnus, who had actually learned how to fire glass just for the occasion. Which, as the burns on his hands attested, was not an easy task. Merle got Angus an aloe vera plant since, “the kid won’t shut up about self care, so I figured he should have something else to care about”.

Carey and Killian somehow managed to get a Caleb Cleveland box set despite the fact that none had ever been shipped to the moon. When Angus excitedly asked how they ever managed to find such a collectible, Killian only put a finger to her lips and said, “If you knew- we’d have to kill you. I mean, not really, it’s an expression. But the idea is it’s a secret.”  
  
For a solitary moment, everyone thought the gift opening had concluded when suddenly Carey exclaimed, “Wait! There’s a card here!”  
  
Her brow furrowed as she checked the name inside, “Looks like it’s from Taako.”  
  
Angus accepted the card from Carey’s claws and with childlike delight, opened the card expecting a genuine, personal message in hopes his elusive friend would give him just a little affirmation.

Though, his expression quickly fell as he managed to continue smiling wide, despite the sadness in his eyes tainting it, “Thank you so much, everyone! I really appreciate all your kind gifts, it means a lot to me you all even came!”

Taako would’ve had to been deaf not to hear what felt like an obvious indirect comment towards him.

 

Lucretia soon returned with a set of candles and a cake in hand, she cleared her throat, “Could someone please get the li- ah yes, thank you, Leon. That’s much better.”  
  
She dug her wand out from her pocket and with a simple cantrip, lit the candles ablaze and everyone began to sing poorly, but passionately. _“Happy birthday to you!”_

The lights now out, Taako turned around, beginning to shuffle away from the back of the crowd, he’d already messed up the poor kid’s birthday. What was the point in the staying now?  
  
_“Happy birthday to you!”_  
  
Why did Angus even want him here to begin with?  
  
_“Happy birthday dear Angus!”_  
  
Promise, party, promise, party– that would be the cycle for years to come.

 _“Happy birthday to you!”_  
  
And then, it would just end.

 

Everyone began to clap as the lights were flicked back on and chatter began once more when the cake was sliced and served amongst the guests, however, Angus was quick to notice a certain elf escaping the crowd. Angus rose from his seat, turning to Killian, “I’ll be right back.”  
  
And without even waiting for another word, Angus was already after his teacher in hot pursuit. “Sir?”

Taako turned over his shoulder, only for a moment, then continued to walk. Angus groaned, dashing forward as he proceeded to grab Taako’s sleeve. “Sir! Please don’t walk away from me.”  
  
Taako sighed, “Look, kid, I’m sorry but-”  
  
“You just don’t like birthdays, right?” Angus added. “That’s what you were going to say."

  
“Yes,” Taako confirmed with a nod as he leaned against the wall, “I just don’t like birthdays.”  
  
“But why?” Angus asked, his eyes wide and pleading. “Was it something I did? I don’t understand, sir. Please tell me.”  
  
The elf groaned, “It’s not your fault, okay? It’s just that-”  
  
“It’s just that-”  
  
“It’s just that what?” Angus asked in a pressing tone.  
  
“It’s just that now you’re another year older and you’re another year closer to,” Taako fiddled with his fingers, trying to find the right words to say, “well, people fuckin’ die, Ango! People die all the time! And it’s going to happen again and again and again- I don’t want to watch it all over again.”

  
  
His expression softened, “Oh- sir. I’m so sorry I pried. I shouldn’t- should I go?”  
  
Taako shook his head, “No, you can stay if you want to. Though I should probably warn you that it’s a big ol’ Taako pity party now.”

Angus pursed his lips, sinking down against the wall next to Taako, who then proceeded to sit as well, “I’m not going to die, sir. I’m only eleven.”

  
“I know that, dumbass.” Taako huffed under his breath. “But when you live for such a long time– your human life seems a hell of a lot shorter, little dude.”  
  
“Oh.” Angus paused, allowing them into sit in comfortable silence for a few moments. “Well, I may not be able to make you feel better, but no matter how old and gross Magnus or I get, we’ll still be your friends. Just as long as you’ll keep being mine.”  
  
Taako smiled, “Of course, Ango. Why wouldn’t I be?”  
  
Angus grinned, looking over at Taako. “And if you really don’t want to come to anymore of my birthday parties, I won’t force you.”  
  
“Nah,” Taako shrugged, “you humans have always had too many birthdays anyway. Might as well keep track.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This is my first Adventure Zone fic and what I hope will be many as I adore this podcast, the characters, the story, and the McElroys. Griffin is an ingenious storyteller and this is but my small contribution to the fandom. If you liked what you read, why not let me know with a kudos? They say a picture speaks a thousand words, but so do a thousand words. So leave a comment if you feel so obliged!
> 
> You can also follow me on tumblr at charismawizard.tumblr.com
> 
> And hey-- thanks.


End file.
